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sdrcow

Derp.
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sdrcow

[ PAX .1 ]

2 min read

Hello.

I'm not entirely sure who all still frequents dA in hopes of character backstories and further details... but... even if only for myself, I'm going to post just a wee bit about PAX.

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PAX has been a working OC for about a year and a half now, maybe slightly longer. She's gone through several character/design changes and style changes - however the main focuses have remained, which makes me happy. As this year has past, I've found myself super attached to her character... like... old-school-Natalie*-attached. *(my Elfdoll Yuan, the one with red hair...)

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Anywhoo, PAX happens to be a witch. Nothing super crazy, she doesn't really fly on a broom or zip-zap things with a wand... she focused her early studies on 'puppet-craft' (Funny right? A Doll character who controls dolls...) She lived alone for about 5-7 years mastering her illusion-craft to help mask the magical world from the non-magical folk, which is proving very useful now as she needs all the previous experience and knowledge to help reduce magical detection of Emily and Leaf. As it stands, Leaf (my Pukifee Ante) lives with PAX and has for about a year or so, however she's bound to the witche's desk, more details at a later time on Leaf. Emily,(my white-haired Supia Ji-in), is a 'new arrival' in my story as her doll form was dropped in my lap in a way and Emily is... well let's just say I really plan on doing more with her and Emily in the future, but that's gonna take some time for me to hammer out details, and also hammer out my kitchen as I'm in the middle of a home remodel.

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ALL of that being said - I just wanted to give a bit of back-story details, vague as they are, to hopefully help direct your minds and imagination for current and future photos of my dolls.

Fog gy

"...yeah. I get like that when I'm trying too hard. It's kinda like that feeling when you first wake up, and your head is just moving in slow-motion and you can't quite snap out of it..."

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I hope you enjoy, please excuse my tired 1am journal... it's probably poorly written, but I appreciate the engagement! sdrcow

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[ trim ]

5 min read
[ trim ] by sdrcow


Today was different. Today was ‘fun’.
Fun like ‘what it used to feel like when I worked on a ball jointed doll fun’.
Today I got lost in time, sniping away on this doll wig. Struggling with a kicky doll and awkward limbs slapping my hands. Dealing with having a flat foot on one leg and a heeled foot on the other, resulting in me scuffling through my doll cabinet so I could swap one out. I struggled with bits of wig stuck in joints. Had a /marvelous/ time adjusting and readjusting the wig cap. At one point I caught myself smiling while I worked, a thing I’ve not caught myself doing in quite some time while working on a doll. It felt good. Making this post and thinking back, it still feels good.
For the past year or so I’ve been trying so hard to get back to what I was - trying to do what I used to do - to create as often as I did and on the level of what I used to... In the end... I can’t do that. I probably won’t be able to do that really ever again. I’m not the same. I don’t have the same time. I don’t have the same expendable income. I don’t have the same people in my life, the same struggles, the same suppressions. Truth be told, I’m a happier person than I used to be. I no longer have to dive so deep into my artistry and crafting to feel happy... I’m just happy now. Thinking back, I always knew that when I was upset or stressed or feeling down, that’s when I’d be at my optimal creative. If I was feeling upset - you could bet there’d be a new YouTube video or doll photoshoot popping up. I needed it. Not for anyone else - but for me. It was something I could do and control completely. I customized the shoots, I coordinated the outfits. I created the character(s) and edited the shots. I was able to push people away, shut myself inside and play with my camera and toys alone and with complete control. Don’t get me wrong, I loved it. Looking back it was a really good way for me to deal with my emotional and mental struggles. Sitting here now, I can honestly say I didn’t realize I was struggling with myself as much as I was. I didn’t want to look “weak” to anyone, so much so that I hid it so hard that I didn’t realize I was so unhappy myself. I used to call it my “hermit mode” to all my friends and just tell people I felt introverted that day/weekend/week. All my friends and family knew about it and they all knew I’d be off the radar for a bit. Don’t contact him because he’s not gonna be happy... I used to mask my sadness and pain with anger. (still do kinda...) 
Looking back, I’m so thankful I had this hobby. It helped me get through a lot of tough times - the struggle of growing up and figuring yourself out is rough m, man. It pretty much sucks most of the time, or at least it did for me. The BJD hobby gave me something else to focus on, it gave me something to do and had a positive gain for me. I’m really lucky, I joined the hobby when I did and was able to meet nothing but friendly and positive people. I was pretty much welcomed and enjoyed so many artists in the hobby... I can say I still have several who I consider some of the best who will still talk and comment with me. It’s a nice feeling. I know that’s not the case for everyone, I know the community can be pretty bad, which is a topic for another time I guess. But for me, it was a really positive light in my darker days. It was my escape...
All that being explained, I think I’ve realized now that I’ll never get that feeling of comfort and accomplishment again. Or at least, I can’t get the contrast of emotion back - from a low to a high because this hobby isn’t my “safe escape” anymore. I’m no longer riding that sad boat as much or often! Now don’t get me wrong! It’s still something I enjoy!.. it’s just that I think I’ve come to the conclusion it’s just for fun now. It’s not something I need to do to be happy... it’s just something that makes me happy and I can do it whenever I want and for whatever reason I feel like. 
I’m not sure what caused me to write this post out... I’ve mentioned before that I’ve missed deviantART and the way the platform worked because of the journal I was able to utilize... So maybe I just wanted to get some journaling done. Ha.
Anyway. Keep your chins up people! I know the world is a bit out of control at the moment.. do what makes you feel good! (Try to avoid violence and drugs if you can.) and happy Friday! 🙂

 Follow me on Instagram! instagram.com/sdrcow
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Instagram

1 min read
Hello everyone! Just thought I'd share here that I've been much more active via Instagram as of late. Mainly posting photos of nendoroids and other small figures - if that's something that interests you please feel free to jump over and support me! :)

I try to post here as well - but sometimes that falls through and I am much more 'active' on IG now, responding to comments etc... 

Thanks!

Satch



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Smart Doll?

1 min read
Hello all! Long time no post.

Not going to lie - the BJD hobby died for me for awhile. My creative spark was burnt out, my life was far too busy, and the constant dropping of some of my favorite BJD owners kept hitting me below the belt.

But - I think I'm getting interested in the doll world again, this time I'm debating on giving the anime style dolls a go... anyone have any opinions on Danny Choo's Smart dolls vs Dollfie Dreams?

I like where Danny's company is heading with the Smart Doll Plus, thus making me want to spend money into his research. I know the 1/3 scale robotic doll ended up failing, but that's for another topic.

Anyhoo~ All opinions/info is much appreciated!

sdrcow
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Nendoroids.

4 min read
Your Title - version 2.0

sub-title


Hello everyone!


Jeeze... inactivity here is due to my damn work schedule... it's seriously cramping my style.

As a result it's getting harder and harder to find time to lug my BJDs out and about, and honestly I'm almost done using every spot in my house! The outside isn't pretty due to my location (in the middle of a city) for what I like - plus it's just too busy to take an expensive doll and DSLR outside at good lighting times.

Anyway. Due to this, and my current stupid obsession with anime (I go through this phase from time to time... recently getting more often and reoccurring for longer periods of time) I've decided to get into Nendoroids!

Woot. Joy. Things.

Yes. Nendoroids. I've actually already ordered my first one, Rin Tohsaka from Fate Stay Night (Soooo gooood).
Sure, she's currently overpriced but what the hell ever.

I've also gotten a few props and things that hopefully I can find time to slowly put together. Joy.

I'm rather excited about this actually. Once it's all set up, snapping some photos will be nothing. Setting up a Nendo is much easier than my giant BJDs. Don't worry, I'm not selling or getting out of the BJD hobby, I'm just putting them on the shelf until my actual full day's off....

So that's that... I'm selling off my smaller BJDs like my Pukifee and DC Spider in order to jump head-first into Nendoroids.

I hope everyone enjoys my smaller macro photography that is soon to come!

Have a great night!
sdrcow

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Skin by; NishithV
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Look at that... again. by sdrcow, journal